Personal Earthquakes

As the day begins I am rocked by my own personal earthquakes, I know how the people in Haiti feel. While I may not be homeless I am fighting for the very survival of a person who is the essence of me.

For those people who know me and know me well, they know that my family is my All in All. We fight alot and we love so much more. I am blessed to be related to 5 out of 10 of my best friends. But one of my best friend's and I havent spoken in a while.

My dad was my prince charming, my superhero, my everything growing up, he could do no wrong. But along the way reality stole the sheen and lustre from my rose colored glasses and we grew apart. I became disillusioned and bitter towards him and eventually we stopped talking.

I tried to justify it, told myself I didnt care, that I didnt need him to walk me down the aisle when I got married, that it was his loss if he never got to meet the kids I will have in the future, that I wouldnt cry the day he died.

But I lied.

See loving someone is like being an ocean- the tide doesnt stop even if the moon is on the other side of the universe and it takes millions of years to dry up the ocean, that is how long it takes to stop loving someone.

My dad is lying in a hospital in South Africa, a shadow of the man he used to be suffering excruciating pain from kidney failure. I spoke to him today for the first time in almost 2 years and I feel like I am shattering and the wind is blowing away the broken pieces of me.

I dont want him to hurt anymore, but I refuse to let him move on. I will let doctors carve me and take all the best of me if only it will make him better.

For days now I have woken up and gone to work and smiled and cracked jokes while inside of me a malestrom of emotions raged.

I know you are wondering why I am telling you this, why i decided to share my sob story with you, and this is why.

Forgiveness is the most impossible emotion for human beings to grasp, but I have learnt that love makes it easy to enact.

Life- the few brief passing moments we experience on this rock hurtling through space, means NOTHING without LOVE.

if you love someone, no matter how much they have hurt you, disappointed you or let you down. LOVE them like tomorrow is never going to come.

I pray and desperately hope that my dad makes it through this. I need him to know that he is the reason why I dream, he is my intelligence and short temper, he is the dimple in my right cheek. He is my pride in my creativity and the reason why after 101 failed business schemes I still call myself an entreprenuer. He is my tenacity and my long distance dream carrier. He is my lack of dance talent and my scary business intuition. He is my swagg and my history and I am his legacy.

If you love someone, never be afraid to tell them, never be afraid to show them and never be afraid to love them a little deeper and a little harder every single day.

My mom is my bestest friend in the universe. My dad is still my hero and I need him to slay this dragon one more time for him if not for me.

If you know me and love me then all I ask from you now is to pray for my daddy. Please.